Torn between Husband and Kids

by LaToya
(Ohio)

Hi everyone,

I need sone advice. My anxiety is through the roof. Little background, I have 3 children two daughters 21 and 18 and one son 15. I have been with my husband 11 years married almost 2 years. He is not their biological father. The issue is my marriage is falling apart because my husband doesn't like my parenting skills and never have. He says that I don't make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do when it comes to keeping the house clean. This has been our issue for years. Now he was raised where everything should be in it's place at all times. Now I agree with that as well how ever I am a little bit more lenient and what I feel is clean he doesn't think is clean. He is very vocal and he has a very deep voice and he can come off as brash.

A few months ago their was a situation with the bathroom. I think my son hadn't taken the garbage out and I want to say it was the 2nd day and my husband asked me about it and I had told him that I hadn't been upstairs yet cause Im working from home downstairs. He got upset and left for work and text me in the middle of the night and told me he couldn't do this anymore he loves me but he can't live like this. He tired of telling me how he feels. All he asks for is a clean house and we don't have babies so there is no reason why the house isn't clean every day. Now the house is never just a mess but let's say there is a few pieces of whatever in the carpet or hallway and it's there for more than a day. That's an issue. The kids rooms not clean is an issue. Now we kinda worked through that crisis and have been ok until this past Thursday. So Tues evening he must have put his empty Arizona box next to the garbage can. I noticed it Wed and thought my son would take it out when he takes out the garbage cause that is his daily. Didn't check to see if he did it so now Thursday morning I come in the kitchen and notice it's still sitting there. So when my son comes down stairs for lunch I ask him why he didn't take it out and he gave some lame excuse so I told him when he was done with school to come take it out. Well my husband got off work early and saw it still sitting there and was like he put that their 2 days ago then left and went upstairs. I already knew he was mad. He then text me and said he was mad at me and the house and he tired of it if he said something to me it would have not went well and he talking about me the kids and my parenting. We haven't talked about that situation but it's been tense.

Now fast forward to today. I was sleep and I heard my husband call my oldest daughter's name and she went to the bathroom where he was and he asked her if the medicine cabinet was opened when she came in there and she said no and he said close it back when you open it and she said it was just a little cracked and he said but it wasn't cracked when she came in so just put things back the way you found it and then I heard her say with an attitude it was closed. Now I didn't like that and I felt that was disrespectful and I was gone check her on that. So husband finishes up in the bathroom and goes to her room and tells her she needs to find somewhere else to go it's time for her leave. My daughter then left then my husband left. My daughter called crying and I told her she was wrong for getting smart with him and that was disrespectful and he probably felt the same way and that's why he said what he said. Now my husband came back home and didn't say a word to me and I want to bring it up but I don't know how. My daughter pretty much like none of them like him and I just either make excuses or take his side. Which is weird cause that's exactly what my husband say I do for them make excuses.

I just don't know what to do I love my husband and my kids and I don't want to lose my marriage over this. I've been divorced once and I'm not trying to be divorced again. Any suggestions for me