Passionless Marriage

by Anonymous

I married my best friend in 2018. We've known each other for 2 decades and have always been really close. When we started dating we knew the transition from friends to romantic partners would be weird, but we figured we loved each other and would get past the initial awkwardness of it all.

Eventually it stopped feeling awkward and we were increasingly attracted to one another sexually. We barely had any physical intimacy before marriage because we decided to wait until marriage to do anything physical (our first kiss was at the altar). We got married and our honeymoon was great, there was a lot of passion. But when we got home things changed.

I see a lot of posts from women saying that they lost the passion in there marriage after a long time or because of kids. I can honestly say that I don't think my husband and I have ever had it, aside from the honeymoon. This is something we've talked about since year 1 of marriage. We are now entering year 3 and nothing has changed. We have sex once or twice a month. It's always when I'm ovulating as we were supposed to be trying for a baby. I usually have to remind him that I'm ovulating in any particular week so that I can be sure we have sex. Otherwise he won't touch me, well not passionately. I get really sad about how long it's taking for us to get pregnant. Sometimes I think if we were having sex more often that would make a difference. We'll cuddle, but not passionately. He'll be watching tv or on his phone and then decide he wants to start fondling me, while continuing to watch his show or scroll social media. It's never sensual and always seems like something to do to pass the time, or like he's playing or just feels like touching me.

There are never any stolen kisses or hugs. He pecks me when he leaves the house and When he enters the house, that's it. The only other time he kisses me is when we're having sex, once or twice a month. That's actually the only time he kisses me deeply.He always wants me near him. Likes to hold my hand, lay on my chest or wants me to lay on his often. But most nights we can be in the bed watching tv and on our phones until we sleep. We tried date nights but those didn't last. I bought sex checks and put expiration dates on them but he never uses them. I've talked to him about this for years and I don't know what to do anymore.

I want to be wanted and I don't feel wanted by my husband. It feels like we're still just best friends, and sometimes it feels like we're roommates. I don't know what it means to have a passionate marriage.