My relationship with my ex boyfriend...Need serious help?

by Charmy
(Malaysia)

I'm 24,F..I met my ex bf when I was 15. It was the first day of my tuition. I entered the class and the only available seat was next to him so I sat there and I thought he was cute. I got to know his name from my friends, they knew I kinda like him. That was it.

I saw him few times after that and he disappeared from the class. We never spoke a word and he didn't even know I existed. 4 years after, I left for college to another country. I was 19, then one day I got a friend request in FB from him.. he obviously didn't know me, it was a random add. I added him too because I recognized that it was him, the same guy 4 years ago from tuition. Then he started messaging, exchanged numbers and we got to know each other. But I was staying 3000 miles away from him and when I went back home for vacation, we met and got together. At first I was confused because it's going to be a long distance relationship. But, he promised we will work it out. We were happy and madly in love.

But 10 months later things fell apart, it was just too hard and he started ignoring me and we finally broke up. About 1 month later, he coupled up with a new girl. We remained as FB friends but no contact at all. Each time he posts new pics with her my heart aches so badly. I was going through a very bad phase of my life then, everything fell apart but I managed to move on. He was very happy with her and I just watched.

And now in 2014, 4 years after we broke up, He messaged me suddenly 3 months ago. He started talking as if nothing happened and we are back being friends again. Even when I know it was a bad decision to talk to him again, I just couldn't stop... after all he was my first love and the only guy in my life to date. I got to know that he broke up with that girl after 3 years being with her. He is single now and we haven't talked about getting back together. We are just talking once in a while and that too formal talks only. He sent me few flirty messages but I didn't respond much to it because I didn't want to look desperate.

But, the truth is I haven't move on, I still love him very much and I realize that I want him back but I don't know if he feels the same way. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel? Sometimes I feel its pathetic to be hung up on the same guy for 9 freaking years. But I don't think I can ever fall in love with anyone as much as I love him. Everyone told me that he is not worth it and just gonna break my heart again. But the heart wants what it wants, right? I can't stop thinking about him in fact I never stopped thinking about him at all. I always thought we broke up because it was a LDR but I still staying 3000 miles away from him now..I going to be here for another 3 years before I go back to my home town. Back in my home town, he moved to a new house only 2 mins away from mine. I really don't know what he's thinking but he's quite popular with girls.

Does he still like me? Why he came back into my life again after all this time just to ignore me again? It's really painful but I want him back... and another thing is he never knew till date that I was the one sitting right beside him when we were 15. I never told him that yet because I never thought that I will ever meet him again in my life and I gonna be in love with him from that time till now.

Is this destiny or plain craziness?