Is this a Break or is this over?

by Charlotte
(Brighton )

03/01/2017

Today is the 3rd day that he hasn’t been here, I say here but I’m at work.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, I kept waking up every hour or so wondering if he was ever coming back.

Every noise of a car outside I jumped up to look out the window to see if it was him, but it wasn’t.

I slept on the sofa again as I feel most comfortable there, I can’t face going into the bedroom at the moment.

It was New Year’s day, we went out had some drinks and was having a good time, we got home at around 4am, I went into the bedroom to get the duvet as I thought we could veg out on the sofa together, that is when his phone went off, I notices it on the bedside cabinet, it was just a mobile number and the message read “hey what happened to my call? What you up2?”

I just asked who it was, (knowing already who it was as I typed the number on my phone into Facebook) It was a girl, without being rude she isn’t exactly special and very young, after asking him he said that he had known her for years, he then started getting defensive, he said he can’t do this anymore and wants to get away from me and the situation, he also said that he messages loads of girls behind my back, got his coat and walked out.

He came back yesterday late morning to gather more of his clothes, you could tell that he didn’t want to go as he was hesitating to pack his things, he sat on the sofa with me and said that he doesn’t want to go, and said yes he does text other people but not in that way, he said he has never and would never cheat on me, he then said that he isn’t sure what he wants at the moment and that some time apart would do us good and he can then think of what he wants to do.

I was obviously in tears, I did not beg him to stay and I did not beg him not to leave me, I was just upset and had to remain strong about his decision.

I did not speak to him for over 24 hours, but I had to call him today just to hear his voice, I asked if he was ok and how he was feeling, his response was that ‘he felt lost’ I asked if that was because he wasn’t at home with me and he said yes, then when I asked him to come back and he just said he will call me when he is ready.

No matter how much it hurts I have to also think about what I want, it has been an ongoing battle about what we want in our future re children and marriage, he has always changed his mind, but now I am nearly 30 I don’t want to waste any more time than I already have.

I know it is going to be hard on my own, I have done it before but that was for 2 years and I became very upset and lonely.

However I know have my own place (was ours) and a fantastic job to keep my busy, one thing that annoyed me is that we just decorated the place and the feature wall needs another coat and he took the roller ha-ha!

This is helping, writing this all down.
9/10 we are a great couple together, we never argue or bicker at home, only once he has had a drink he becomes a different person, but if I say anything to him I am classed as being controlling.
At the end of the day you can’t force someone to be with you if they don’t want the same, otherwise that is just destined for an end.