I am confused am I wrong

by Mary
(Riverside, CA)

I was a single parent of 3 two boys and a girl when I meet my current husband. He was perfect as far as I saw. He would help me with the chores, take the kids to the park, cook and was great with the kids, always fun to be around.

I moved into his house a year later with my children. I was responsible for his mortgage, bills, food everything but I didn't mind since he was always with the kids. He worked nights.

Well during this time I became pregnant and I found out he cheated. I found pictures on his phone where a girl was naked on our bed. Come to find out she was the mother of one of the kids on my son's soccer team. He denied it and till this day he says we weren't married and he was through with the relationship even though I still lived in the house.

Things got worse. I stayed because now I had a new born and did not want to lose my job. His mother called Social Services on me, accusing me of abusing my daughter because she would scream and cry every time I told her it was time to take a shower and go to bed. He would tell her that she didn't have to and that she was a kid and should be allowed to relax. Which I never understood. during the weekday I had all the kids take showers and go to bed by 8, 8:30. at that time she was 6 years old.

When we would fight, he would tell my daughter I didn't love her and that I was a whore and slept around. A social worker came to speak with all of us, inspected the home and nothing was founded. The social worker did tell him that he was wrong and needed parenting classes. Shortly after that I became pregnant again.

To make a long story shorter, he says that everything is my fault and that I am selfish. When I ask for an example he says that I always get mad and so he doesn't want to talk about it.

I finally bought a house of my own and moved out. about six months after buying the house he moved in. I have, well I had, chores for everyone in the house. On weekends I have always taught the kids that after all the chores are done we can go out (movies, beach etc.)He doesn't care about the chores and will take the kids regardless of what I say.

My house is TRASHED and he says it my job, I am the mother. I work two jobs and pay for everything. he doesn't work anymore. His excuse is he is busy with the kids all day. He puts practicing before anything else. my 5 year old now (his first)plays T-Ball and he is the coach, makes him practice everyday and doesn't think anything else is important. He would not even let me take him to TX to visit my parents because of his games. He says I'm selfish because I don't want to have sex with him, usually after an argument. He calls me weak, insecure, lazy, money hungry, crazy, out of control when I cry or scream at him. For mother's day he said he was more of a mother than me and that I am not a real mother :(. He treats the boys differently and says because they are boys that its ok to talk about boobs and butt, which I don't like and think is inappropriate. I know he is wrong but I still buy into his belittling.

He will never admit to doing or saying anything wrong. Everyone thinks he is so perfect and is always smiling and laughing. I'm always upset, crying, stressed. But he always says he loves me and has learned to just deal with me, what??? I'm always left clueless and frustrated. He is a good talker and makes our problems sound small and somehow he always looks perfect as a father, husband everything.

I have asked him several times to please move out. I've even gone as far as telling him that I am the problem so he should just leave and find happiness. HE WILL NOT GO, his excuse is the kids need him. I don't know what else to do.