Forty-something and I know what I SHOULD do, but afraid to do it.
by Cindy
(Massachusetts)
I have been in a positive relationship with a wonderful man for four years. I love him, but I realize my love is starting to deteriorate, at least I think it is.
I have always had difficutly expressing how I feel, especially if it will hurt the other person's feelings, so there has been a lot building up over the past few years that I need to let out, but am afraid to. He has always been kind, reasuring, supportive, loving, etc... No abuse in any way.
The problem is even though my relationship is positive, I feel like I can do better. I feel like there is someone better for me out there. Someone with more money and more of an education.
I am past my child-rearing years, am college educated. The funny thing is I don't really want to be in a relationship at all, but I am staying in it because that is how it's been for the past four years of my life. He is a part of me.
I am so confused. I'm comfortable in the relationship, but my little voice inside is telling me I have to stop stringing him along. I ignore my inner voice because I am afraid of hurting him. I am an independent woman and love to be by myself.
We both agreed we will never marry. Part of me says to stay with him because it is a good relationship: he loves me, I care about him, I think I still love him (I am attracted to him still). I just don't want to throw four years away.
I feel like I need to move on, but am afraid to tell him. If I did tell him this, he would accept it and understand what I need to do. He would set me free because he loves me so much. Is this the kind of man I should let go of?
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Dear Cindy,
It sounds like your struggle is more about the type of man you want to be with, rather than the qualities of this particular guy. Is your love based on someone's resume or on who they are?
There is always going to be someone with a higher status due to money, college degrees, etc. If this is a great guy and you love him, why not talk to him about this, and perhaps see a counselor to work through some of these issues.
The Couples Guide
Comments for Forty-something and I know what I SHOULD do, but afraid to do it.
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You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship. You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before. You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along. Thanks so much for helping us." Rita and Mark |
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