Counseling not possible and at our lowest point.

by Zel
(Usa)

My story and situation is very long and complicated so I'll spare it, though I'm happy to provide some context and details if needed. Here's the basic situation I'm in:

After a year of trying to work through a persistent problem, nothing has been resolved. Counseling is not an option, and fights have been unproductive. There is deep hurt and mistrust. Both sides have difficulty with empathizing. Working through the problem yields solutions that are mentally and/or medically detrimental, and even the process of fighting through it has been medically detrimental to one party. Compromises tend to not stick or work.

I know there are times where there is legitimate and justifiable reasons to end a marriage, such as the threat of physical or mental safety, things being broken or toxic beyond repair, or a complete inability to have ones needs met. I also know that not being strong enough to march out of your lowest, darkest valley could lead to a lifetime of pain and regret, or worse.

I feel like we don't know where we at in that spectrum, but a year later and we're both so exhausted and drowning. Floundering, with nothing to guide us. Counseling isn't possible and my reading into separations leaves me feeling distressed at the idea. Again, most compromises fail us.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Anyone who has survived their absolute lowest points in their marriage, individually, or as a couple, I could really use some advice or kind words. Let me know if you need any details, and thanks in advance for any help I receive.