Continuous Lies...

by Debbie
(United kingdom )

I have been married for nearly 6 yrs and love my hubby dearly.

2 yrs ago I found a bank bill with a florist name on it, even though my husband had sent me no flowers. I managed to get the details off the florist and they were for a girl at my husband's work who he claimed was unwell and flowers were from office..

I asked him to stay away from her as I didn't believe this but have found now he has been texting numerous times all day and night over the last year.

I have quite a few male friends and he says this is no different. But these texts and calls to her have been all done behind my back, all times of the day and night, even on our anniversary and Christmas Eve. He has been texting her rather than just enjoying his time with me and our children.

He changed jobs 6 months ago, and I was so happy as though could be new start for us and told him so. He agreed. But now I find out he was lying the whole time, and she will actually be working as part of his team at his new work. He said it had nothing to do with him until, I found her cv on his laptop, and then he admitted he had helped her...

He says there is no physical affair going on. But I still feel so betrayed and keep thinking: if he couldn't stay away from her last time and has now got her a job at his place, why will he this time...

We have agreed to give it another go but I feel so unloved and unfancied and so scared he will do this all again..

We keep arguing and I keep saying "but you
promised this all before and couldn't keep away from her" and really he can't answer, can he. So I know I'm not doing us any favours.

But I don't know how to stop these feelings anymore.. I don't know how to trust him again .. :(

Dear Debbie,

It sounds like your husband has become involved in what we call an "Emotional Affair." These relationships have become increasingly common in the workplace, often without people knowing how risky they are. They are as damaging as a sexual relationship because they are not shared with the spouse.

There is an excellent book on this topic called "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass which is listed on our Books page. It would be helpful if both you and your husband read it. I would also suggested you see a marriage counselor to discuss the potential of this situation.

Best of luck.

Gene Kayser
The Marriage Guide