Am I Wrong... Seeking Clarity on relation with Husband

by Anupama
(New York)

Dear reader,

It is true when they say that clarity is best sought when you see things from outside .. and hence I need your advice and solution.

I have been married for 14 years, we are basically from India. I was a working professional there and then quit my job to join my husband who had relocated to US. My husband supported me in pursuing my career and as a result I'm into a Ph.D program here. While I live in different city, my husband has been taking care of our children.
However, the distance has created a rift. My partner is too (probably obsessed)with our children. He still co-sleeps with them though they are already 11 years.

I can visit home only once or twice in a year and even when I'm home, the pattern continues, where he is spending all the time with the children and even sleeps with them.

I tried raising this issue with him on multiple occasions, even to the point where I blatantly told him that im falling into depression because of lack of companionship. He doesn't understand and says that he cannot change things just because I'm home. I have turned too bitter, I had left my job, my friends back home. Even when im in school, I don't have much friends (age difference and cultural difference) and when im home, I still sleep alone or with kids.

Everyone from family says, I'm lucky to have such a partner who lets me study while he is taking care of our children. My point is : but what about me?

Even this time, I came home after 7 months and it has been a month and not a single time he has slept with me or given exclusive time to me

Please tell me am I wrong in complaining? what should I do? I know he is a good father and kids need him and this has prevented me from taking things too far