All Guilty

by Sam
(NY)

Hey there,

I am in a relationship from the past year and we have already decided to get married.

The problem here is that he knows about only one past of my relationship and not others. Also, he doesn't know that I got physical to some extent with others as well.

I always wanted one stable relationship and my self control has been so poor that I got physical in a very short span. With every guy, marriage was my final aim but I couldn't find them working well. So I moved on from one to another and now I'm all guilty for all that.

The main problem is one common guy between us who was just before him in my life, and i was carried away and got physical. I just hated him after that and that ended my relationship with him. I soon got into one with my current bf.

But my current BF doesn't know about all this. He just thinks I was friends with him and he dislikes him very much. So do I.

I feel guilty for all that I did in my past. On the other hand, I know my bf is so possessive that he wouldn't be able to accept my past physical relationship with anyone. That won't end my relationship but will definitely give a knot in my smooth life with him.

I don't what should I do. Should I tell my bf all about my past or not? I fear a lot telling him. It's him I was wandering all these years for.
On other hand I am not able to forgive myself. I wish I could just erase my past .