19 year relationship failing

by anonymous

So we are high school sweethearts. Together 19 yrs. We have 3 children 15, 11 and 5. We have had plenty of ups and downs.

About 13 years ago he would leave me all hours of the night drinking. Then at about 12 years ago he started hiding money and texts. Things were weird and I believed he was cheating. I started talking to a male friend and probably gave him more information on our relationship then I should have. My husband found out and instantly thought I was cheating because he found out I was at his house. Maybe I was seeking the emotional aspect I was missing from him. But there was no sexual relationship.

So through all this I find out my husband was actually addicted to pain pills due to having surgery. Fast forward 2 years we are still together he still brings up me talking to the guy constantly. Hes also still addicted to pain killers. He now has cashed paychecks and taken hundreds of dollars out the the checks and lie about what he actually got paid. This eventually led to me picking up odd jobs standing in line at food bank. He stopped working a couple times through this.

So about 2 years ago now. I finally got him to go to a drug program. He still struggled to stay on track. Last year he was doing great. Got a good job was passing drug tests. Then I find out he was taking adderall to stay up and work long shifts. So he loses job. Now 6 months of him not working. Me working full time juggling house kids etc. He doesn't do much to help me at home. He stays up all night sleeps all day. So I take kids to school make sure they are taken care of after and have to take care of dinner.

He is spending money on aderall and smokes in house with kids when I asked multiple times not to. He has been spending a good bit of money on online games. He thinks I nag constantly and gets mad. But I'm at the end of my rope. Don't think i can hold on much longer.